The Derivative of Infinity

2009-10-11T21:20:00.000-07:00

Heeeey

2009-09-22T05:03:00.000-07:00

It's been a while but I'm back! Hoot!

Quiet Photographs

2009-05-13T01:23:00.001-07:00

Michael Kenna

2009-05-10T04:38:00.000-07:00

I saved someone's life today.

Oh and

2009-05-04T01:04:00.001-07:00

"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeeded be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death."

-Albert Einstein

wow

2009-05-04T00:42:00.001-07:00

This sounds exxaaactly like me. You could probably relate too.

Please excuse how behind some of the terms are... but check it out:

How To Write A College Paper

Take

2009-04-24T13:39:00.001-07:00

When you grow angry, make sure it's over something tangible, something real. The bubble of control, of power, of self assurance one builds around themselves is an artificial shield of safety, only defended by arrogance and pompous character. Maybe it's been all my time alone, maybe I've changed, but I definitely have no tolerance for silly little exchanges of mental power struggles.
The world is a beautiful and diverse place, and people will have varied thoughts, beliefs, interests, perceptions. To criticize, judge, degrade others because of their ways is only a spotlight on the critics' insecurity. It's a terrible and ugly thing.

And to see something great fall to that sort of thing makes me very sad, but I'm not going to sit by, and I'm not going to play as the source of where the power will be derived. I hate leaving people behind, but if they close their minds to reassure themselves of how "awesome" or "enlightened" they are, and abuse the great things they know to look down on people, I will close myself to their friendship. No regrets.

I have no need for intangible anger, for bitterness, for a weak character to be masked by colorful words. Nope.

Today

2009-04-16T16:44:00.000-07:00

a new park opened in downtown. Very neat, lots of green. My roommate Tracey and I stole the ceremonial ribbons to decorate our room. I'll have photos of the park soon.

Eamon arrives to visit today as well. Yay!

5 Ways

2009-04-15T00:04:00.000-07:00

Common Sense Lies to You Daily

A good laugh.

Pah

2009-04-14T22:17:00.000-07:00

I gave it a shot, but I only felt like a liar. No regrets, just truth pushing itself into my lungs. I'm obviously not that person, even though I tried to be. It's been so long, and it seems it needs to be longer.. or maybe I just changed into a solitary person.

Thank you for seeing, I'm sorry for not.

Good

2009-04-07T19:42:00.000-07:00

When I first started filming, it was with these people here. I love these guys! Andrea missing, of course. This photo was taken right before I moved. Thanks A-Rey.

click to enlarge

I'd

2009-04-06T13:58:00.000-07:00

like a pleasant place to watch the sun set.

On April 7th

2009-04-05T12:59:00.000-07:00

It is my birthday, and I turn three years old. Three years of living my life the way it was meant to be lived.

It will also be three years that I have not seen or spoken to him.

Great

2009-04-05T03:24:00.001-07:00

Shit

2009-04-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

The brain is a mean little thing that creates feeble thoughts and probabilities which only highlight the odds.. which then (knowing my persona) acknowledges those odds as powerful entities and then surrenders to them, in this case at least.

From past experience I have learned the unfortunate art of dissolving emotion in order to prevent from unwanted.. err.. side effects.. like sadness and too much solitude (aka loneliness but I will never admit to such a thing). When a spark comes, I quickly extinguish it for previous sparks have turned into uncontrollable fires which at first danced at my eyes but then burned my vision into a giddy blur, leaving me with a smoke cloud of sorrow and watery eyes. But like all fires, the charred soil leaves behind nutrients which fertilizes the ground and reinforces it to grow stronger. I did just that, and grew much stronger than before..

but I'm kind of tempted to not stamp out a particularly dangerous spark with my foot just yet.

I lovvvve this

2009-04-01T11:56:00.001-07:00

lawl

2009-03-31T14:14:00.001-07:00

Love Will Tear Us Apart from MichelleBlades on Vimeo.

Do It!!

2009-03-25T17:24:00.001-07:00

Old Hotels

2009-03-24T02:05:00.001-07:00

Stories with pictures, fat old men in cardboard figures.

Time

2009-03-21T21:52:00.000-07:00

As days pass, I laugh at myself just a bit louder than the day before. I was once in pursuit of something in pursuit of something else, and I held it all so high. I thought, "there is nothing better, or more clever". But now I see both pursued the same thing in different ways and now one is stuck in a pleasant facade while the other is floating on some form of space. More days, bring them, I like the feel of their weight on my chest.

Haha

2009-03-20T01:54:00.000-07:00

"Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours." -Ronald Reagan

+4

2009-03-17T23:35:00.000-07:00

I was deeply saddened by the theft of my bicycle. Sitting in the Herberger Theatre, waiting to watch "The Human Experience", I realized I was so impacted not because the theft was inconvenient, but because the thief stole away from me my only companion.

+3

2009-03-08T03:20:00.000-07:00

An elephant of a thought is taking up all the space in my head, but I have noooo idea what it is. I am going de kraeziesssssss

Damn

2009-03-03T22:44:00.000-08:00

Damn the need to need, the want to want, the need to want and the want to need. Damn it all, it drives me insane and always will, will always know, and insane I'll go. Maybe then I'll do some right. Maybe then I will affect, remind, burn, remain. Maybe I won't, but it's a need I want to think of and a want I need to chase.

Observation #2

2009-02-24T10:17:00.000-08:00

Arizona seems to be the hub for traveling shamans from Central America, and there seems to be a movement here amongst the people. Abolitionists, anarchists, astrologists and shamans are all congregating in Tucson next month and I am hopping along to observe and observe and observe. I am also going to Miami in April for a weekend.

To Miami, Arizona, that is.

Observation

2009-02-18T11:33:00.000-08:00

There is a remarkable amount of Cancers and Scorpios here. Most of the people I have met are such.

Not Coming Soon

2009-02-17T13:02:00.000-08:00

Not Coming Soon! from MichelleBlades on Vimeo.
First update in a while, and I don't know if its good news?
The Days We Had is not coming soon, but with good reason I promise. I'm traveling the West and parts of the East coast this Summer and I'd like to fit that footage in here so its still coming, just not soon. So enjoy this promo.. just to let you know its still out there.

I'm off

2009-02-14T10:32:00.000-08:00

to Tucson today. Wee!

Thank you, Jeffery

2009-02-10T23:19:00.001-08:00

For Bryant

2009-02-10T18:51:00.000-08:00

Something I think you would find interesting.

Inedia And Such

Au and the Night

2009-02-10T01:52:00.000-08:00

Ah, I live for nights like these.

I rode my bike in the cold and in the rain down unfamiliar roads and found the venue, The Trunk Space, where AU played. They were incredible. I took a photo, I don't have it yet. And then everything after that. Just when you think you know it all, you don't. At all. Its wonderful.

Music!

2009-02-09T11:56:00.001-08:00

So. I didn't know this but I live within 3 miles of the venues that are showcasing the bands I'd like to see live. Yipeee!

Today I'm going to watch AU, and I bought my ticket to go see The Little Ones on Wednesday and then Andrew Bird on Valentine's Day... and moreee.

I also bought my ticket for Animal Collective in Tuscon this May, and Calexico this April. I just have to find a way to get there now hahaha.

Tomorrow

2009-02-08T22:44:00.000-08:00

Thank you Last.Fm, I am going to go catch me a great show tomorrow. Tomorrow is also the full moon, go! Make a drum circle! If you're from Az and reading this... at Tempe beach park there will be a drum circle at 10p. If you're from South Florida.. go to Lincoln and 85th street, best drum circle ever. Celebrate the light and love!

AU - RR vs. D from Rainbow Dropshadow on Vimeo.

East Mesa

2009-01-31T12:28:00.001-08:00

today i got lost. more lost than i had ever been in my life. riding around in the cold through some neighborhoods most would deem unsafe, i kept on pedaling deeper into unknown territory. mind you, it was midnight and i had lost my phone. someone actually called me crazy and told me it wasn't a very good idea for a young girl to be riding bike at this time of night in this particular place. i missed the train home and figured to abandoned logic and just follow my most primitive feelings. here, at the point where no matter which direction i went or how fast i rode i was lost and wasn't getting anywhere else but lost.

in this moment a weird feeling overcame me. i wanted to be lost, i wanted to be scared and i wanted to be cold. i needed it. although determined, i had become blind. i grew numb to the magnitude of the situation, the power of it all. in a state where i have no friends, no one to run to, i had nothing but myself. in the darkness, in the middle of a road, in the middle of no where i noticed that i could have been right beside the door to my room and still be just as alone, just as lost, with nothing but myself.

when you have no one but yourself, no friends or family to reassure you that you will be alright or that you are fine you are forced to realize every nook and cranny of your being. inevitably, you see yourself in every way you deny yourself: your flaws, your denials, where you truly are, your beauty.

i learned that one doesn't need others who validate their cowardice with excuse, who hide themselves under this physical bond of skin.

it took me getting lost in East Mesa to find myself.To see that I have been hurting for the emptiest of reasons, that there is so much life to this world, and with this, i turned around and pedaled all the way back to phoenix.

Week 1

2009-01-24T23:01:00.000-08:00

Ah. So I moved.

When my raging headache is over I'll tell you of my encounters, and then I will show you some when my film gets here.

Some words for you and me.

2009-01-16T22:45:00.001-08:00

Wake up and realize who you are. Why is your happiness derived from others? Your happiness needs to derive from you. You are your own companion, and the only one you will be left with in life and in death. Spread love and receive from others, but do not derive it from anywhere but your own being.

Oh yes, yes yes.

2009-01-15T00:00:00.000-08:00

I found it. I did, now I have to get it. But hoorah, I found it.

Calcium Deposits, kinda

2009-01-14T00:23:00.000-08:00

I was such a little shitbag. I just found a poem I wrote to my english teacher last year, taunting him for half sarcastically making fun of "teenagers who try to write poetry". I always wanted to impress him, or at least shut him up, and I felt that I could. But I never quite wanted to fully fulfill his criteria so I always had the impossible goal of receiving a perfect score.

This was not an assignment, rather a paper I left on his desk one day without my name on it that I found on my desk when I came back to class.

I figured pomp, arrogance, and crudeness were the best approaches to take since this way I could easily excuse my corny writing for humor. Laugh away my friends, laugh away.

I must admit I write
to receive your flattery
yes, this is why I write
such excellent poetry
My colorful remarks
roll off the tongue like smooth
velvet and my rhymes
have the power to soothe
the wrinkles that take over
your newly crafted smile
Such polished words as mine
deserve a space in your file
of poorly graded papers
where you duly fold
my wonderful words wondering
hows this young girl so bold?
I masturbate vocabulary
my rhymes make love in deux
Oh, do you like that French allusion?
Because I like it too
Anyway this was not written
without any malice
only of an arrogant wish
to gloat my mind's finesse
So frame this one nicely
and hang it on your wall
and in third person title it
"the best he ever saw"

Here I Am, Was.

2009-01-13T12:52:00.000-08:00

My last few days in Florida are approaching, and I can say I have really enjoyed the past few. A series of events I will always remember, and I have a documented few that I'd like to share.

Friday was my last show with my band Postmail. It was held at my good friend Bryan Aguilar's house (thanks soo much Bryan!).
In his backyard under a tiki hut we set up and I felt a strange mixture of emotion. The similar excitement I feel when I get to play music and a deep sadness for knowing that this was the last time I'd play with such great friends and talented people. Many people came and we played all our songs with our hearts. Our friends were dancing and singing along and at one point Bearnine's Danny came into our performance and sang and added accents to our songs. We played "Trees" twice, I love that song, it included Maleki on the horn and it's so damn fun to play. Anywho, here are some photos from the show.

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After the show we went to Taco Bell and then to a random park to enjoy the stillness of the night and the fog it provides.

Everyone spooned. Except Eamon haha

rare photo of Bryant in front of a camera, not with a camera in front of him.

Freezing cold

Then on Saturday I went to a full moon drum circle. It was amazing. So many people crept their way onto the beach in order to join in on a celebration of the full moon. The sound of percussion is the most primitive form of musical expression known to man. It affects us inside, we feel things. It motivates (like it does in football games and music) and it can create fear (marches of death, military use). When in the womb the sound of our mother's heartbeat is the first sound we hear, second to her blood stream. This sound is so strong, when I was at the drum circle I felt it in my heart and the beats danced on my skin. There was no spoken communication between the hundreds of people on the beach, just acknowledgement of each other's existence and response via drumming accompanied by random whoops of joy.

Strangers were dancing with each other, feeling nothing but human. It was a night of intense joy.
Careers, government, regulations, social status, race, gender.. nothing mattered. Everyone stripped themselves of their surplus and recognized for a few hours that they were nothing but human, allowing their inner beings out through rhythm and movement, all while the watchful moon glowed upon the moment. It was beautiful.

Eamon brought his polaroid and took some photos.

There was one photo (where I look both ecstatic and extremely creepy) that was taken right when the moon came out from behind a cloud and everyone celebrated... there was an elevation in the energy between everyone in that moment, like everyone's interior rose towards the pull of the moon for a second and an extremely brief silence followed by an explosion of sound.. In that one tantric moment there weren't hundreds of people, there was one. One unified spirit of human. I felt it in my chest, and I guess the camera noted.

During all this John lost his phone and I lost my inhibitions.

Afterwards we dropped John off and Andrea, Eamon and myself went to Denny's. I got coffee and stole everyone's fries. We then went to Gigi's garage and tried to contact Gigi. Since we couldn't so we tried sleeping in the car. The mosquitos made it difficult so I got up (about 2am) knocked on Gigi's door and she answered, sleepily. Her dad was not home and her phone had been off. Eamon slept on the couch, Bt and Gigi in her room and Andrea and I, hyper, tried to sleep in Gigi's dad's room. We ended up just crawling around pranking everyone in the house. And then we slept.

Quote

2009-01-08T20:05:00.001-08:00

"To travel is to discover that everyone is wrong about other countries."
-Aldous Huxley

Commentary

2009-01-07T22:26:00.001-08:00

I'm on aim with Mikey and thought I'd post his critique of an unnamed filmer's shakiness when he first started. Made me laugh so hard.

mikey: i don't know how he got so steady
mikeyi:it used to look like he was riding on bearings only
mikey: on a dirt road
mikey:or like christopher reeves filmed that shit

To Be

2009-01-04T20:55:00.001-08:00

+2

2009-01-04T00:53:00.001-08:00

How is it that one can close their eyes and see what made them the happiest and hurt them the most at once?

Some situations make no sense when you try to be rational and practical and logical. Here I see some things don't need to make sense at all.

Some things just are.

Photo Spotlight

2009-01-03T19:58:00.001-08:00

My website has a thing called Photo Spotlights for photographers in the world of skateboarding.. basically an interview on a featured photographer. It is monthly and January's feature is South Florida local Mike Little

Enjoy!

Rubble

2009-01-01T22:55:00.000-08:00

I tend to create things.. writings, sketches, songs, when I am in a moment of struggle or strife.

Tonight I will create many things.

Little Yellow Paper

2008-12-30T21:15:00.000-08:00

At a curious moment in time, perhaps at the most perfect moment, I found something my AP English teacher wrote and gave to me when I graduated. It confused me at the time, but much has changed and I look at these words in new ways. I appreciate them and understand them. I will try and live them. Thought I'd share.

"Michelle,

You tread upon a beaten passage whereon many gifted warriors have been victorious. Today, the glory of their triumph still lights the way. I assure you-- by all that is sacred and victorious-- that no beacon of light is brighter than your light, no flame more rigorous than your bravery. Assume the privileged burden of your destiny and leave behind no regrets, only indelible footprints that shall inspire others to greater heights-- fossils reminiscent of an intellect, a spirit, and an age that will perhaps never be again.

Mr. Escobar"

I always loved my english class. It was a place I looked forward to being, always. I felt my mind would unlock and I felt I'd found a scholar who had insight into my own confusion and helped to untie some of the restraints I placed upon my mind. Reading this now, I have a life to live up to and a life to live in and a life to be.

During times of hardship, one should not allow struggle to displace their love and passion. Not all will be agreeable, not all will be pleasant... but those are rocks to step over and learn from and progress from. Pain is always a surprise but never permanent, and those who delve into the dangerous and forbidden, the difficult and uncomfortable, the harder road with determination, beauty, truth, and love are the ones who change the world, who see the light.

power

2008-12-30T01:39:00.000-08:00

to the weatherman

Time like Daisies

2008-12-29T20:49:00.000-08:00

The other night I was up in Delray with some very good friends. I'd write to you a description and all but I think fellow friend and blogger Bryant Thompson did it best.

Delray Sounds

Funny Fun

2008-12-23T20:22:00.000-08:00

I had a pretty good weekend up north, hung out with some good people. Went canoeing for the first time, that was an experience. During the most inconvenient moment my mom decided to call me and stress over financial aid and college, she wouldn't let me off the phone. We were about to go over a fall. Sure, it doesn't look very big, but no one had ever gone over it on a four person canoe. Since I wasn't paddling because I was handling mom business moments before, we didn't have enough speed to go over. So what happened? We got stuck. We bent the plastic so bad trying to push ourselves off it almost cracked. We would have gotten out and pushed off but those waters are home to gators. Anywho, we went over the edge first try, so fun.

North

2008-12-21T16:36:00.001-08:00

I wish I could waste the days light heartedly. While one is not unusual, I feel like I'm living in a limbo of nothingness. My days here in Florida are numbered now, so I'm going away for a little, I'll bring back something for you to watch.

+1

2008-12-19T16:38:00.001-08:00

I have been raising a family of instruments, and the stork brought the newest addition today. Now it's time I figure this thing out.

The Duke Deux

2008-12-18T21:45:00.001-08:00

"I shall never forget the apple tree. Oh yes, I was there. Don't you remember me? I was the apple."

From Duke Ellington's "Supreme Being"

PayPal a Pal

2008-12-18T12:56:00.000-08:00

Long distance relationships can be tough. I would know, it's something that can make you go insane. Feeling for someone and become overwhelmed with the thought that you can't hold their hand, look them in the eyes, hear their voice in person. It takes two strong willed, trusting people to manage both the stress and love. It is not impossible, however. My best friend used to taunt me back in April when I first got into a relationship with Jackson who at the time lived in Michigan, telling me she didn't understand how it worked. Now she's smitten by a boy in North Carolina and she's going crazy. She is the muscle behind 2TEN, designs websites, logos, flyers, and art for numerous people and is saving up the money for a plane ticket to go visit her boyfriend. I was talking to her last night and we were thinking ways she can make a little more money to be able to visit him sooner. Silly or not we figured we could include you. Anyone who is willing to donate a nickel, a dollar, or two to help her see her boyfriend for the first time in person. Any contribution is a step closer to North Carolina, a bold step but one she is dying to take.

The image above is what she designed towards her effort. Click the image for a better view.

The Duke

2008-12-17T13:04:00.000-08:00

a reflection of emotion. something is going on.

Photos

2008-12-16T12:10:00.000-08:00

Two very distinct styles, two veryy awesome people. I thought I'd share their flickrs with you. At some point in the year they'll both have a photo spotlight on my website. Love these guys <3

Alex Reyes
Bryant Thompson

Thoughts to Spill

2008-12-15T22:31:00.000-08:00

I am a mess. I don't know why yet, but over time I collect myself only to find a piece is always misplaced.

I have a constant anxiety and sometimes it builds up and overwhelms. I wouldn't call it sadness, this is something different.
It is as if there is potential energy in me that has been left stagnant. It drives me insane. Sometimes I abruptly stop what I am doing and run out the door, quite literally, just run out of my house or whichever house I am in and run until I can no longer breathe to match my inner feelings with my physical self. I then tend to go somewhere no one can find me and sit there to feel alone. When I say alone I don't mean without love or friendship.. sometimes I just want to be with myself and become aware of myself. It is so easy to lose yourself, to not be awake.

With company, I never feel as if I am quite there. My thoughts always extend past the conversation at hand, I tend to tune out and bring up my current analysis of whatever has come to mind at the moment and I always feel my words at a loss to ears. I make myself stress, I am beginning to think I like it. There is more to every single occurrence in our lives. So much power in every action, inaction and thought, we block it out with our acceptance that what is merely is. To harness and love and understand the life in everything is what I constantly find myself trying to do but I get lost in my own language.

Everyone is Beautiful

2008-12-15T13:18:00.000-08:00

Not everybody knows it.

Cancer + Pisces

2008-12-14T01:25:00.000-08:00

Jackson Casey is a purveyor of fine voices. He makes text come alive with his mastery of emotion. If only he could pronounce "derivative" first try no sketch.

Shonofabitch.

I'm a lucky gal.

Lawless

2008-12-13T16:32:00.000-08:00

Amidst an economic meltdown, unemployment, newly attained student loans, future debt, moving away to a foreign land and all other hogwash I would like to announce that I just impulsively purchased one of these bad boys:

And I feel so good about it. Screw monetary concerns. There is happiness and ease of mind elsewhere.

+

2008-12-12T23:46:00.000-08:00

"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
- C. G. Jung (1875-1961)

Collab Montage

2008-12-12T15:02:00.001-08:00

This is a Hell on Wheels and Hell on Wheels Canada along with Kevin Horn collab with 2TEN. The footage consists of when the Hell On Wheels Canada boys came down to Florida, some footage from Canada and some footage from Minnesota. Just a fun little ditty, hope you enjoy.

Film cred: Michelle B
Kevin Horn
HOW CAN

Collab Montage from MichelleBlades on Vimeo.

Rising, Collapsing

2008-12-11T18:25:00.000-08:00

Something strange happened just recently.

This morning I had to wake up significantly earlier than usual to run some errands and didn't get much sleep the night before so I fell asleep at about 5PM. I got some of the deepest sleep I've had in a good while.. perhaps too deep. Normally, when I dream, I am aware of the matter. If I don't like how the dream is proceeding I usually just tweak things here and there and let the dream flow as it may. I was having one of these lucid dreams, completely aware but completely asleep, today. In my dream I needed to retrieve cash from my debit card so I decided to use my car's CD player as an ATM (hey.. it's a dream). The "paper" in the "ATM" machine printed glittery money and too much: about $125. I decided that not even in dream land would stores accept glittery money so in an effort to stop this the vehicle was pulled aside. I opened up the hood and started inspecting to see where the paper comes from and strangely a dog jumps into the suddenly very spacious hood of the car and my mind tells me there will be an explosion. A hollow explosion of some sort suddenly occurs and there is heat. I then tell myself that after an explosion I might die, so I feel my soul trying to leave and in protest I pull it back. This is when I wake up. I woke up literally feeling my soul outside my body coming back down. It was so heavy and strange, I felt myself absorb myself into my skin. As soon as that was done my arms rose up and just kind of floated. I opened my eyes put them down turned on the light freaked out and called someone who had told me they had been through such things before.

I might sound crazy to some, but now I am more than intrigued. I could always control my dreams but never feel myself outside of the physical body. I now read Immanuel Kant in a new light. His theory, that "the mind plays an active role in constituting the features of experience and limiting the mind's access to the empirical realm of space and time" feels almost like a mantra now.

We limit ourselves to the conceptions our mind creates. To one dimension, to one reality, to one possibility. To live life on a different scale, different to the idea of "the fullest" we must acknowledge probability. If only a small percentage of the brain is used then there is an entire laundry list of channels our mind could take us, if only we allow it to. I'm going back to sleep. To make my claims a bit more fair, I shall add some logos to my pathos. Goodnight.

Immanuel Kant

2008-12-11T10:56:00.000-08:00

My beliefs in a God are very complex and I constantly find myself trying to explain my thoughts and ideas on such an entity with my close friends. While they discuss the Bible and it's contents and proclaimed history I decided to look through several scopes of religion and philosophy to broaden my mind's capabilities of comprehending our universe as a standpoint of existence, purpose, and reason. I found myself returning to one particular philosopher whose works on epistemology and metaphysics struck further curiosity and interest in the subjects. I'd like to share with you an introduction to his work and over view of his ideas... ones I can say I agree with for the most part.

Immanuel Kant

I have

2008-12-10T23:21:00.000-08:00

joined the dark side. Aloh blogging. As my first post I figured I might as well whore the promo to the video I'm working on. It's for all my friends in Florida since I'm moving to Arizona <3

The Days We Had from MichelleBlades on Vimeo.